Society often gets it wrong about what it means to be calm. The common narrative is that calm equals stillness—sitting quietly with hands folded on your lap.
But being calm is not the same as being still.
As we start a new school year, it’s important to remember that children (and adults too calm in different ways, depending on what works for their unique nervous system. And what works can change from moment to moment.
For some, calm looks like:
wiggling
fiddling
standing
stimming
humming
stillness (sometimes—but not always)
For many, stillness can actually feel uncomfortable, anxiety-provoking, overwhelming, or even dysregulating.
Just as there are many ways to focus and many ways to learn… There are many ways to be calm.
Why This Matters
When we limit calm to one narrow definition, we risk overlooking the strategies that actually help a child regulate. True calm comes from feeling safe and comfortable in your body—not from forcing yourself to appear quiet and still.
The Takeaway
All ways of calming are valid.
All ways of calming should be honoured.
All ways of calming deserve to be available.
All ways of calming must be accommodated for.
The more we recognise this, the better we can support children (and ourselves) in finding what really helps regulation, focus, and learning.
Finding Your Child’s Calm
Every child’s calm looks different. What works one day may shift the next. Sometimes, figuring out what truly helps can feel confusing.
That’s where I can help. In my 1:1 Brainstorm Sessions and Power Hours, we’ll look at your child’s unique sensory profile, explore what helps them regulate, and find practical ways to build those calming strategies into daily life.
