What comes to mind when people say “calm down”?
First of all, I hate being told to calm down because it always feels like somebody has decided I’m a bit of a mess. 🤦🏽♀️
Most people think that calming down looks like sitting quietly, taking deep breaths, listening to soft music, or doing something still and gentle. And for some, that might work.
But for many neurodivergent people, kids and adults alike, that’s not what calming down feels like at all.
In fact, some of us need to rev up to calm down.
Sounds backwards, right?
But it’s actually not.
It’s about completing the cycle of activation, releasing the energy from the nervous system before the body can settle.
That’s what I call my “calm up to calm down” combo.
What Does “Calming Up” Look Like?
For me, I often need a brisk walk or some kind of physical activity to feel regulated.
Others might need:
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Loud, rhythmic music
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A run
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A punching bag to hit
And for kids, it might look like:
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🚴 Bouncing or throwing themselves about
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🌀 Spinning in circles or pacing
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💥 Being rough with their bodies
Only after all that body and movement input do they feel ready for the quiet part, the ‘calm’ part others often expect to happen first.
So If Your Child “Won’t Calm Down”…
It might not mean they can’t.
It might just mean they need something else first.
It might mean that to them being calm looks different to the usual being still.
Their body might need to move through intensity in order to arrive at calm.
That’s regulation, not avoidance, defiance, or misbehaviour.
Want Help Figuring Out What Your Child Really Needs?
🌿 That’s exactly what I help parents do in my 1:1 consults.
We:
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Look at your child’s unique sensory profile
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Understand how their body processes the world
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Find ways to support regulation without pressure, without forcing calm, and without guessing
📩 If that sounds helpful, send me a message and we can figure out what support is best for you and your child.
-Munira
